That's so weird with Trevor and Christian coming home. Doesn't seem right. And moving up to the second row of pictures.
Yeah I understand what you mean about having that final push and then being able to relax and ease up a bit. As a missionary I don't think that ever happens. Literally.....
So I don't know, I read your email and it is touching to see the experiences and the faith of so many good people. But not really much on my mind to respond to any of that. I am actually finding it a little hard to say anything right now with being able to talk to all of you come a week and a half.
I guess I will start off with saying first, here is a picture of our current cell phone......You want to know why I am sending you a picture of our cell phone? Because this Thursday we get new cell phones! The whole mission! But we don't know what cell phones yet we will be getting. But so yeah we get them this Thursday at our Christmas Activity. Which will be.....at Sun Moon Lake. So our zone needs to be to the utterly Main Train Station at 6 in the morning to get on a bus to ride all the way up pretty much to Puli. So get to get up really early Thursday morning.
What I feel like sharing on this day is that the mission is like an unending game of Whack-a-Mole. Literally! If you don't believe me then tune in as I expound. It seems that each and every day I find things that are good and truly have remarkable and fun experiences, but at the same time I find each day I make mistakes and as well as problems and issues I discover (mainly about myself) that I struggle over and strive to improve. These are the Moles. The part that stinks the most is that when I have overcome, healed, or fixed (meaning whacked) these moles down, for some reason later on (whether it be a day, week, month, or longer) they then pop up again. So then I have to exert effort in going back to whack that mole again. It gets utterly frustrating and exhausting as these moles keep popping up. Such as yesterday many different moles popped up that attacked my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Basically, this all just made me feel kind of sick last night when we came home, but I did my best of writing the records I needed to update, folding some laundry, and then just going in on my bed to lay down and rest. I read a few conference talks to bolster my spirit (which kind of helped). But just not feeling all that good (head, stomach, spirit, etc.). Luckily, Elder Chen kept strong in making some calls and trying to set things up and having our plan for tonight, but he was nice and helpful. Got some pain medicine for me as well as my milk to drink with it.
I got your letters this past week about love and charity. Maybe I have fallen back some again in not loving myself. I am not sure. I have been reading Jesus the Christ again and I just read today about Jesus Christ's sojourn to the wilderness to commune with God. He fasted 40 days and prayed to subvert the will of His body to His divine spirit so that there may be closer communion with Heavenly Father. Towards the end of this experience, Satan came to tempt and pretty much subvert the Christ. He first tempted Christ to turn stones into bread to feed himself, knowing that Jesus was an hungered due to his much fasting. But the key part of Satan's diabolical plan and temptation was the 'If'. He said "If thou be the Son of God.....". Satan was wanting Christ to doubt his relationship with Heavenly Father. Just prior to this sojourn Jesus Christ had been baptized and had received the witness by the Father's voice that He was the Son of God. But now Satan so quickly was wanting to cause him to doubt. But Jesus thwarted Satan as he replied that man should not live by bread alone, but also by the word of God. Then following (time is not certain, but not of import) Jesus was high in one of the pinnacles of the temple and Satan again came to tempt him. The diabolical one once again in his cunning used the word 'If' striving to cause Jesus to doubt his divinity and relationship. But this time rather than tempting Jesus to trust wholly in himself and his power, he was wanting to tempt Jesus to wantonly trust in the protection of the Father by casting himself down to the ground. Seemingly also as Jesus had used scriptures to rebuke Satan before, Satan had come in this second instance quoting scriptures for his own twisted use. However, Jesus was faithful (even as Satan was hoping to catch Jesus between trusting in the Father by casting himself down or by not causing him to think that He doesn't trust in the Father) and boldly replied "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God". Meaning Heavenly Father's miracles and help will come according to His will and in His time. They are not to be forced or willed upon by man or for that matter by Jesus Christ. This testified further of the Christ's power, that it isn't His power, but is His Father's power. He was not bestowed with it to satisfy his own pleasures or gratify himself, but to serve and uplift others. Then, of course, there was a third time that Satan came, but I will not go into detail about that due to what I wish to say and time.
At the end of this ordeal it states that Satan left Jesus for a season. And as we read later on towards the end of the Savior's mortal ministry as He was with his Apostles, He states that "these are they who were with me in my temptations". We see that even the Savior was continually tempted throughout His life. This shows that with temptation, if conquered once, it will not just go away and you are not simply rid of it. It is a continuing battle and struggle that will not end until after the Millenium and Judgement when Satan will be cast out and banished. Oh, how much more need of the Savior is there! Truly we cannot go a day without His help and His strength. Truly I need it so much, especially to heal and fix me. I hope though more sooner than later. I just feel like I am not good sometimes even as I try my best to be good. Maybe I am being ridiculous of myself and too demanding. I just want to be a good person and be pure, clean, virtuous, and chaste. I just don't know if I am. Satan causes me to doubt so much. So I really need to develop my trust more and to trust in the Savior as well as my Priesthood leaders when they declare that I am clean.
So these are just some of my thoughts. I will see you soon and can't wait to talk to you! Love you lots and lots and lots!