Sunday, December 8, 2013

Nov 4, 2013 - letter to Dad

Hey Dad!

     You are correct that it has now been one week with my new companion. He knows a little English. And I mean little in the way that he knows some words, but really has a hard time being able to speak English. So no joke most of the time I speak in Chinese. So everyone says my Chinese is going to fly now. But so yes I am trying to savor and relish every moment I have being with a native companion. I have asked him to teach me BPM so I can know how to type Chinese characters (especially helpful with the dictionary we have on our phone). So switching companions has felt a little like jumping from one train to another train moving at a bit different speeds. My problem is that often times I am a conformist, that I conform myself more easily to fit with others rather than being loud and boisterous saying this is my will and this is how it is done. Probably why I am a blue and white rather than a red and/or yellow (the color scheme from psychology). I often times am that shy, quiet person who much rather will please and fit in with others rather than be loud and demand my own will and pleasures. Although when things get uncomfortable or really not ok with me I speak up. But I am super nervous about doing it because I don't want to upset or make people mad, or have feelings of hatred towards me. But we are doing much better. Still not getting to bed at 10:30 which needs improving, but it's getting better. Usually try to make sure we are at least on the beds by 10:30 though. I am not going to lie though, there have been several times this past week where I have felt like senior companion because I know the area, I have been leading planning, getting us to places, setting up lessons, calling people, and such. So this past week there has been a lot more responsibility on my shoulders.
     Thanks for having the Teacher's Quorum send letters. I am sure our new convert will really appreciate that. We got him a white shirt this past week as well as I gave him Elder Dailey's note and tie. He looked good at church yesterday in a shirt and tie.
     So yes there are a few things on my mind that I will try to type as fast as I can. First is I got your letter this past week. I really appreciate and enjoy reading it. I think I have a big problem sometimes with self-confidence and doubting myself. A lot of times it is with missionary work, that I get thoughts and feelings that doubt myself and feel that I am not worthy of the praise that you say and tell me (I am not the only missionary, literally every missionary I think feels this. Both my last and current companion have said they feel the same way). I really want to make you proud and Heavenly Father proud. Sometimes I don't feel like I am anywhere near that potential.
     I feel like I am really trying hard in finding contacts here in Fengshan. I carry around a dead stack with me that I am trying to call through to find people that are willing and ready to hear the gospel. It's just been so hard with finding. Our numbers are low. We only really have 1 progressing investigator right now. So I am really working hard to find new investigators and I have faith that we can find them. But then today I read Cody's email and on move day he went with 3 other missionaries in Cuarnevaca and handed out 72 Book of Mormons in 3 hours with several people set up to meet and learn more. I don't even know if that is something possible that can happen here. I just feel like I am trying hard and working as best as I can, doing what I know is right which is missionary work, the Lord's work, but just not really having much of any people who will set up with us or who want to learn more or who are prepared and ready. I mean I know I am not suppose to compare myself with other missionaries. I guess I just have lack of self-confidence and doubt myself. I just need to know that I am doing what is right and that I am doing the Lord's work and am doing my best (I feel like I am).

I love you lots and miss you so much and can't wait until the time to meet again but I love it here too!

Elder Dayley

p.s. I really hate the wanka's here where we email. Basically just think of a place that sucks peoples souls in and wastes there time away (not just young kids but older men as well. It's really sad and kind of pathetic too). But right at 2 hours they shut your computer off. I was just typing my name, Elder Dayley, and going to send and my computer shut off. So I had to go spend another 50 cents (15 kuai) to add another hour on so I can say this and send your email. But yeah I love you so much and I miss you everyday, but I am content and fixed and can do the Lord's work with all my attention.